This is what I am doing, to not be overwhelmed in parenting a strong-will child.
Wow, it has been almost a month, since I last wrote. I love writing and I have miss it. However, I have been somewhat overwhelmed with parenting. To set the record straight, I know that their is no grater calling in life, than what each of us parents are called to do. Many of us parents at one time or another have felt inadequate and exhausted by it. Some parents may not understand this feelings because they might have compliant children. However, for the rest of us that have strong-willed children, the parenting calling, can be a challenging one at times. The good news is, we have amazing children with an endless lists of positive traits. The thing is that right now we might only be able to see the negative ones that are keeping us humble and on our knees as we run out of ways on how to control them.
After lots of crying, feelings of guilt, frustration, prayer and talking to friends in similar situations. God has given me peace. I am also extremely thankful for some resources that I have found, and this is what I am doing to help.
Acknowledging that there is nothing wrong with my child, this is how they are and I am here bring out the best in her. That’s my job as her parent.
Acknowledge that I have not equipped myself with the right tools to help her specific personality thrive.
Seek help. Often we don’t do this, because we either “don’t have enough time” or we think we can do it on our own. Also, this takes effort, and this is an effort I am willing to make for my child.
I have asked for my doctor to refer me to a children’s counselor. I believe the counselor can also help me understand, the psychology behind all of this. For example, kids and parents temperaments, triggers, teaching tools, etc…. I am actually reading this on some resources I have found, but I like the accountability that comes from actually talking to someone.
I have found some resources that are helping me a lot and I hope to later write a post on each one of them and share all of my take aways. As parents we should do everything we can to find the best way to teach and teach our kids.
Be patient with myself.
Understand that my schedule and lifestyle is also reflected in my child’s behavior. (I have been extremely busy lately, no wander why the little one has been acting out).
I have to remind myself that the goal is not to control my child but to her to control herself and make good choices.
I am in the process of examining me and how my behaviors are not the best examples for my kids. For example, when I get frustrated, upset and inpatient, my kids are learning how to manifest those in their own little lives. Am I modeling a healthy control of my emotions and frustrations? Am I modeling patience?
Stop myself from disciplining out of frustration. I have told myself that until I am better equipped, I will keep my cool, because disciplining from frustration has never worked. A lot of times we are multitasking and is reflected in our parenting.
To be consistent and clear with my child.
Trying to do less and simplify my life. (Always working on this one).
The good news is that when we decide to take the bull by the horns and be an active parent, there is always hope, because we are open to growth. So let us be patient with ourselves and remind ourselves that we are great parents, and we are on a journey to success, one choice a time.
Ok. so in conclusion, here are two books I am reading and learning a lot.
Gentle Discipline by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. She focuses on using emotional connection-not punishment- to raise confident, capable kids. We have started with learning the root of the problem. Why do kids misbehave? She has also shared SPACE-five steps for effective, gentle discipline. Stay calm, Proper expectations, Affinity with your child, Connect ant contain emotions, Explain and set a good example.
Setting Limits with your Strong-willed Child by Robert J. Mackenzie. He focuses on eliminating conflict by establishing CLEAR, firm, and respectful boundaries. I can’t wait to finish this book.
I am hoping to write a review on each of these books.
feel free to let me know what has worked for you and your strong-willed child.
