"Mommy, I don't like You."

One of my daughters asked me one day if it was okay for her not to like me at that moment. She said, “Mommy, I don’t like you.”

After telling me her feelings, she was so concerned about it. She wondered if it was okay to think about it and to say it. I calmed her concerns by telling her that it was totally okay to feel that. What we need to be careful about is what we do with those feelings. Many years ago, someone came into my office and said, “pastor, pray for me. This week I have not liked my children.” That’s okay. She wasn’t saying, “I don’t love my children…..I am going to abandon them, etc….” She just said that she didn’t like them and that she wanted prayer for herself and the children.

As parents and spouses, we can all relate to these feelings at some point or another (at least most of us). There are times when our kids’ behavior can be over the top and they can push every button. We could be going through our own issues and our kids may not help by their behavior. Of course, this can go the other way around too. Our kids may be having a bad day or set on something and our response to them, may not be the best or what they were hoping for…..so naturally they won’t like it. That is okay, especially to be able to vocalize that in my opinion, is huge. You want to be able to have a safe space for your kids, spouse and for that matter….anyone to be able to come and share how they feel. It is important for them to know that they are loved unconditionally.

So, I told my daughter is okay for you not to like me. However, you need to be careful how you talk to me and relate to me. I want her to learn to control herself. Unfortunately for me growing up, I received the message that it was okay for people to react in an explosive, angry way if they had a good reason for it. Naturally, I have had my share of explosive, angry, out-of-control moments. Now I am re-learning (been on this journey for a while) that it is okay to hear others’ feelings and not let them hurt me or make me react. Of course, this is not easy because depending on how people say it, it can be easier to keep cool. If someone shares calmly how they feel about me, I can take it better than, when someone yells it out, or curses or says it in anger. However, the principle is the same. I can hear them and what they do is their responsibility and how I react is mine. This is what I am teaching my kids. Yes, there are moments you may not like me and I am okay hearing it if that is going to make you feel better. However, you need to choose to communicate this correctly.

I am so thankful my daughter was brave enough to share her feelings because it gave me an opportunity to properly understand and process them from a young age. I hope all of us learn to process our feelings before we communicate them to others. Most important of all, I hope that each of us can create types of relationships in which others can feel safe in sharing their feelings.