Why intentional parenting is a MUST!

I have worked listening and counseling people for over 15 years now, and one running theme has been- how childhood plays an important role for the rest of people’s lives. I know you must be thinking….ok, tell us something we do not know. We all know this and many other things in life, like eating too much sugar/candy can give you cavities and eating junk food can make us overweight and have health problems or yelling at our kids its not good, but how many of us still do some of those things. You see, information is not the problem, because now more than ever we have easy access to anything we want to know. The problem is that we do not do what we need to do. Now, do not get bother by this. What I mean, is that we all live busy lives and sometimes somethings fall between the cracks.

Parenting in other times was slightly easier than what it is now. With our great technology today we have put another layer of temptation and dangers in the lives of our kids. No, I am not a fanatic, I use technology and my kids and I have the phones, tablets/I-pads, and computers. I am however, not afraid to say the truth and to admit how it affects my family and others too. You see, as much as all of us love our phones, specially kids, now we have to worry about the extra bullying that could potentially happen in social media, predators, pornography, plus all kinds of junk. With this, I am not saying we need to put our kids in a bubble, no! What I mean is that we need to be INTENTIONAL PARENTS, and careful ones too.

As I have been listening to people’s stories, one of the things that I hear over and over again, is how parenting and childhood are carried and processed in adulthood. I am starting to have a theory, in which every person, whether they come from functional or dysfunctional family, have the same opportunity to make bad life choices, the temptations are out there and they will come to each one of us. However, KNOWING THIS, we need to make sure we raise our kids to be strong so they are better equipped when this trying times come. It doesn’t mean they will be perfect, no, because every person can choose for themselves. However, if I empower them with tools to make better choices, they will have a higher chance for success. Yes, I know all of us know this. But how many of us are not realizing that the intentional part of parenting is being lost.

Intentional parenting is becoming a challenge, because we are allowing the wrong kind of information in our kids life through their devices, friendships and environments we allow in their lives and OF COURSE, in ours too. I can’t tell my kids to not smoke or grow up to do drugs, when they see me do it. I can’t tell my kids to be honest, and they hear me say white lies all the time. (By the way, these are just examples, I don’t do those things….well, I have lied before, but the last time, I was 5 years old, lol, just kidding) I can't tell my children they are important to me and then I spend most of my time working and then come home to my phone or computer (I know this is hard, but intentional parents finds quality time for their kids. Wake up early to do your work if is an option, right now its 6 am for me, put phone down during play time and dinner time, make the best of the time YOU DO HAVE). I can’t set my child up for success if they are constantly hearing me fight with my spouse. I can’t expect them to be successful when I refuse to seek help if I am in a dysfunctional environment or marriage. I can’t expect them to make good choices in life and have great goals if I allow them to watch all kinds of junk in Netflix, because I am not aware of what they are watching and they have access to it. Do you realize that, for some of these kids their parents are not their heroes but unconsciously the people in the movies and sports celebrities. I can’t expect my children to grow up and have high-self esteem when all if feed them is food that makes them fat and unhealthy. I can’t expect my children to grow up to be responsible, if I don’t model responsibility and discipline in life. Spoiling, allowing them to do whatever they want, giving them everything, excusing them, will not help any child to be strong. Remember all of us will face difficulties, temptations and opportunities to make bad choices, but if we are not set up for success, we will have a greater chance to fail.

Parenting is being intentional and present. Intentional to be careful what goes into their heart, body and mind. Present to love them, spend time with them, hearing their heart out and playing with them.

I read something in facebook, so I am not expecting this to be a true story, however, the lesson was clear. A young man who was in prison and was going to be electrocuted, asked for paper & pen and wrote his mom a letter. “If the law was fair, I would not be seating here alone. You would be sitting next to me, charged for all the things we did together. Then he goes on to list starting from when he was three years old and stole some candy from his brother and then a ball when he was five, and so on through out childhood, and she never corrected him. He describes her defending him when his dad wanted to discipline and said he was too young still. He tells how she spoil him, but she did it because ‘she loved him.’” Wow, the lesson was so clear, whether the story actually happened or not. We can’t ignore and excuse this reality anymore. Look at how teenage crime has grown, it is not unusual to read in the news about a teenager that committed a crime. Teen suicide, school shootings, drug addictions, etc…

I know this is not the most warm and cozy blog post that makes you feel amazing. This is meant to bring awareness. I have to ask myself this constantly, how am I being intentional about my parenting. Remember that people do not learn to be husband and wives when they do a pre-marital class right before the big wedding day. They learn to be spouses, when they see the type of husband , wife, mother or father you are. This includes how we speak about the ex, husband or wife. They learn to be a good spouse when they have learn that at home we all work together and pitch in as a member of the family. To do everything for them, is a disfavor to their future spouse one day. Our kids learn to be great workers, when they see good ethics in us. They learn to love knowledge when they see that we, are parents that have teachable hearts. They learn to respect the law, teachers, friend and spouses, by the way we respected them and one another at home.

I have to ask myself these questions and say, how am I doing? As a parent this is a my responsibility and this is who I am. I am no longer a pastor, a cheff, an architect, etc… No. Our careers are not who we are, when we have kids, those things are what we do to provide and income, now we become parents! Parents its what we are, and whether you like it or not. I hear people say, I don’t want to loose myself……well, you should have gotten a puppy. Now as a parent, we have the highest calling, job, challenge, privilege, adventure ever. You don’t have to loose yourself, you just added another dimension to yourself. Now you have morphed into a super mom or a super dad, and this you should consider a blessing.

Now, let us pray that we will be open to receive God’s wisdom as to how to raise our children and that they will grow up to make wise choices. If you are thinking, well it is too late for me….don’t. You need think today is a new day and a new opportunity with God’s help to make a difference in the life of our children, even if they are adults.

Let me know what you think, love to hear some comments.