Why my children saved my marriage
If you are married or have been a part of any relationship, you know that at some point there is an adjustment that takes place. After we spend time with people we start noticing things that we do not see eye to eye and at times may cause friction. In marriage some of these things may be the cause and inspiration of working harder in the marriage to make it a thriving one, or it can be used as the perfect excuse to find reasons to get out.
My children have been a great inspiration as I long to grow daily in my relationship with my husband. They are like my accountability in many ways, and here is why I believe they have saved my marriage:
1. SAVED ME FROM HAVING A MEDIOCRE MARRIAGE- The relationship that my husband and I have with each other, can be a pretty good predictor of the type of marriage my children will have one day. As a pastor, I know a lot of people that seek premarital counseling before they get married and I applaud that. However, I am convinced that premarital lessons begins in childhood as they observe their parents relate to one another. Here they are not receiving 6 week counseling on how to deal with conflict, how effective communication works and the importance of wise financial choices; instead they are receiving practical daily modeling of how that looks like from birth until they move out of their home. As adults we can and should surround ourselves with tools to be better spouses, but the reality is that our up-bringing will most of the time rule the day. (Of course, I believe that with God's help all things are possible). This has helped me to constantly thrive to have a healthy relationship with my husband.
2. SAVED ME FROM ALLOWING PERSONAL BAGGAGE BRING EXTRA HARMFUL WEIGHT TO THE MARRIAGE- Everyone brings into marriage baggage (issues or areas in their life where they need growth). Well, like point number one, I do not want to gift my children with the inheritance of my own personal weaknesses. Here I have purposed to work so hard (still working on it) to overcome by the grace of God, those things that I need victory over. For example, they way I correct and teach them, unfortunately many times I end up using methods that were used on me when I was a child. They were ok methods, but I know that there are better ways that includes patience and no need to raise my voice :) When my oldest daughter was a year and a half, I told her not to do something (so long ago, I can't remember what it was) and then I went to my room, a minute later this little girl walks into my room and starts nagging at me, with one hand on her waist and waiving the other one at me. I have no idea what she said because it was all baby talk, but I do know she was nagging back at me, probably because she didn't agree with what I had just said to her. WOW, what an eye opener, at that moment I realized that she was imitating me and that she probably had seen mom do this to daddy. Now, I try my best to not nag my husband or the kids.
3. SAVED ME FROM A STALE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD- My relationship with God is imperative. I know not everyone feels that it is important for their children to grow up to be Christians, but for those that do, it is crucial that you know this. Your own relationship with God, is the most powerful influence over them. You can take them to church every week and put them in Christian school, but if they do not see that connection between you and God, and the overflow of that connection, it will be difficult for them to grow up to have something that was just a nice family tradition, versus a way of life.
In conclusion my children saved my marriage, because they make me want to be a better wife to my husband. They have saved me from falling into a routine in which there is not romance, respect or love. They have saved me from being comfortable with my own personal weaknesses and allowing those to bring dysfunctional habits to my marriage. They have helped me to stay even more connected to God through prayer and Bible study, so that I can love and respect my husband the way God loves me. So, I am grateful to my children, because I long to give them tools now to set them up for success. I am still working in these points.....I haven't arrived! But I am very happy with the journey and pray for God's blessings.
