My Kid Won't Stop Crying

I have been absent from the blog because I went to Colombia for two weeks and had very little internet access where I was staying and to top it off, hardly any time.  Going back to Colombia is always fun because we get to see family and eat all the wonderful things I ate growing up.  This time was a little different because for the first week I got sick, with diarrhea and vomiting....sorry for sharing so much, but I want you to get the picture and the second week the girls and my mother-in law, who came with us, got colds.  This was quite stressful because it meant that we could not come around my grandparents that much, and the purpose of the trip was to spend time with them.  When I go back home to Colombia  I have plans of what I am going to do, and being sick was not part of the plan especially because I hardly ever get sick and especially not when I go home (at least the stomach type of sick).  So when the plans were all messed up I got a little frustrated but soon realized that these are the situations where our characters have a chance to shine and to grow.  The way I would handle this was important not only for me but also for my children.  

1. Would I complain the whole time about being sick and throw myself a pity party?  Or be the person that whines and complains and make situations worst because of a negative attitude?  

2. Would I take it for what it was, several days down and make the best out of the rest?  Would I take time to actually look at the good side and focus on that so that at the end of the two weeks there I could look back over God's protection and strength during a difficult time?

I believe that as parents the way we react to lifes small inconveniences molds our kids into the type of adults they are going to be.  What kind of adult do you want your kids to grow up to be?  (of course what we want them to be and what they are actually going to be are two different things but we do have a lot of influence, so we need to capitalize on this).  Once you decide, then then you BE THAT ADULT.  Do you want your kids to be healthy eaters?  Be a healthy eater at home.  Do you want you kids not to have road rage? Then be a polite driver and keep your anger, comments and hand motions in check.  Do you want your kids to love Jesus? Then you love Jesus.  Do you want them to think of others with respect? Then treat them with respect.  Do you want them to be honest and have integrity?  than do not say a white lie or get soda out of the fountain machine, when you only paid for water.

So, I titled this my kid won't stop crying- a little over half way of our time in Colombia, my youngest, became so clingy and it was overwhelming for me.  Adela, has always been finicky about things and if you cater to her fussiness, she will be out of control.  For example:  I want the pink cup, you cut my bread wrong, the rice touched the beans, my sister touched my plate, you didn't put ice in my water, etc...I know other kids do the same, but she can be like that non-stop....it's OVERWHELMING.  As I mentioned before I am a huge fan of having a coach or a mentor and I talk to a mentor regular basis, for parenting, marriage, personal and ministry coaching.  Yesterday, I shared with my mentor how frustrating Adela had been on this trip and how hard it was to differentiate on spoil and truly needy.  I will summerize a great parenting session.

Me: Adela cried for everything the last few days and it was overwhelming. 

Mentor: Kids when they are out of their normal environment will have 3/4 of their tank all used up.  She only has 1/4 left, her 7 year old sister or you as the mother, have a lot more to give but she doesn't.

Me: How do I differentiate from fussiness or an actual need?

Mentor: Is she out of her routine? Did she nap?  Is she sick?  If yes, than she has an actual need and she needs to have her tank filled.  She needs a nap, she needs to be held and reassured that you are with her and she needs down time.

Me: No wonder why the last day in Colombia, she kept telling me after lunch that she wanted to go to the house and play in the bed.  She was tired all along, but I had her out past her bed time and then when it was bed time she was out of control and it was wrong for me to get frustrated when she wouldn't give me five minutes to go to the bathroom to put pajamas on and brush my teeth.

Mentor: When kids are out of their routine, or sick, or overstimulated, they need to have their tanks filled first, before you can have your five minutes.

Me: I realize that as parents we expect too much from our little ones and coming from a fast society we want them to get themselves together, but we do not invest all of the time and help they need from us.  When we got to FLL airport, we set down to eat in between flights and Adela got upset because she wanted one spoon for rice and a different one for beens.  She cried and cried.  I held her in my arms lovingly (not frustrated, though I was tempted, since I was tired from all the traveling too). Everyone looked at me like I was crazy for letting her cry.  After about 15 minutes of crying in my arms, she stopped and eat everything.

Conclusion: our kids need us to be the ones that keep ourselves together, even though we think they are the ones acting out.  They are not, they are just telling us that they are tired, or sick and they need our help to sooth them.  I know all of us know these things. What my mentor told me was no new news to me, it was just a reminder so that next time before I let my emotions and own exhaustion get involved, I need to stop and invest in my children no matter what others think or family thinks.  Our kids need us, even when we think they are acting spoil!