Growing in My Relationship
For many, dating is probably the best time in someone’s relationship. This is the time where we are thinking the best of the other person, we show our best side and also are thinking of multiple ways to let the other person know that they are important. People just want to let their boy/girlfriend know that they are valued.
However, for many once the dating stage is gone, so does all the special attentions, and the wonderful bells and whistles that the relationship had. Soon the relationship transitions to cruise control and the rest is history. This is so sad, because soon this can give an open door for relationships to start turning cold and soon you wake up and realize that your spouse is someone that you don’t know or worst of all, someone you don’t like.
Continuing to date, to get to learn more about each other is crucial. Especially, the longer people are together, the more they see their true self, baggage, weaknesses and even their trauma. Sadly enough, these things becomes the enemies in the relationship and in many cases the cause of separation.
I invite everyone to decided to do the hard work of learning more about yourself and your spouse (this takes humility and intentionality). Don’t give up on them because of their issues. First, understand what is causing the problem and also remember that more likely you also have some of your own baggage that contributes to the tension. This last sentence is easier said than done. In my case, I have had help discovering some of my unidentified baggage.
From my experience, I have chosen to look at our baggage as our brokenness. I choose to not resent it (though at times I am very tempted), but to see us with a gentle heart and our need of wholeness. God is so gentle with us and I love that about Him. I like it when others are patient and gentle with me, so I want to be intentional to do the same with my husband. Over and over again, I see that a lot of the tension between us is directly impacted by this baggage. So, instead of seeing the other as the enemy, we are choosing to deal with the baggage (yes, 17 years later, we still have some unresolved drama). Through out our marriage we have worked on things here and there, but now we are digging deeper.
I challenge all of us that are in a relationship, whether, you are married or just dating. To:
Continue to learn more and more about your spouse.
See their weakness as an opportunity for you to love them and help them heal.
Examine yourself for your own weakness and be willing to deal with it, so you can also experience healing.
If your spouse doesn’t see their brokenness and need for healing. Pray for them. Seek professional help. Hopefully for the both of you, but even if he/she do not want to go, at least for you.
Here is a book, that I am listening to, and it is helping me understand myself and why I do what I do. Running on Empty Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglect, by Jonice Webb.
