Love may be in front of you
Even though I was extremely attracted to my husband when I first met him, I was not interested in a relationship. A bad experience left me not wanting to pursue love for a good while. Sometimes that is all that it takes for someone to close their heart and stop trusting or believing that love can actually happen. It may seem easier to not let people in so that we don’t have to be vulnerable, however, as safe as this may be, it may be counter productive.
You see, if I would have allowed the wall I built around my heart to grow and not given my husband an opportunity, I would have missed out. Love was right in front of me….the problem was at the beginning, because it didn’t look like I had imagined, I almost missed it. Sometimes the expectations, ideals, lists, or what others want for us can keep us from seeing the blessings that are right in front of us. Don’t take me wrong, it is good to have a guide and expectations for a spouse, as long as they are realistic ones. There are some tings that are non-negotiable and then there are others that we can be flexible with, at least for me. Ok. He or she may not be the nationality you were hoping for or they are not in a specific career etc…. However, there are other things that are more important like their values, beliefs, goals and what makes and drives them.
It is very important that we are careful to NOT jump into things lightly just because “we don’t want to miss what’s in front of us.” First, we need to ask ourselves:
Why do I like this person?
Am I ready for a relationship?
Do I have something to contribute and am I an emotionally healthy and mature individual (notice I didn’t say perfect)?
Am I desperate to be in a relationship? Am I hoping this person brings me value? You are valuable for who you are! Until you believe this you are not ready for a relationship, you will just be a needy person.
What is driving my attraction for this person?
Have I taken time to get to know them before making moves driven by impulse and desperation?
Do I know what are their core values and believes? Do they match with mine?
Am I being honest with who they are, or am I trying to make them be someone they are not, so I can justify the relationship? This is important because a lot of things can happen here:
Ignore red flags.
How do they treat family? Are they violent?
Do they have self control?
Make them a mission project…. oh, I can help them change. I knew a girl that was trying to get her boyfriend to work and take care of himself. Really? I am all about helping people, but dating or marriage is not the way to do it. That’s a recipe for disaster.
Even when things are not exactly how I dreamt or expected it, are we both headed the same direction?
Have I looked for council in others? Family is always great in giving feed back, even though sometimes they may think nobody will be good enough for you🤔. Also, looking for honest feedback from a neutral person is always a good idea.
Most important, pray about it and ask for God to lead and guide you.
When my husband I started talking and I was allowing myself to fall in love, some of my family and closest friends were not the most supportive of the relationship. This was really scary because obviously they had my best interest, but I really liked this guy and just wanted their support. However, I had prayed about it and felt like God was leading me….and because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t allowing my heart to make this decision and make me think that this was the right thing to do, I asked four neutral mature people that knew me for their advice. These people were familiar with relationships and helped many couples. I am so appreciative of their advice and I am happy to be married to my husband.
Over the years, my family and friends have changed their opinions and have grown to love my husband (at least this is what I think or choose to think 😳🤔😁👍🏼) lol, they really have. We have been married now for almost 15 years and even though we have gone through ups and downs, I am still in love with him. One of the things that I love about him is that he accepts me the way I am, supports me and respects me. This is opposite of what I had experienced before, even though in people’s eyes the other person seemed perfect.
