You can't fall out of love

A lady walked into the office and said the following statement that has stayed with me ever since.  "Pastor, this past week, I have not liked my children very much!"  I have to admit these words caught me by surprise and gave me lots to think about.  Of course I have been upset at my kids and sometimes extremely frustrated, but I have never brought myself to say I didn't like them.  However, the more I thought about it, the more I realize that it is ok to admit that, and it doesn't mean that we do not love them.  The lady went on to share how it was a difficult week and she had to pray a lot more.

There is a big difference between not liking someone at the moment for their choices or behaviors, or because they are being difficult and frustrating, verses stop loving them.  I learned many years ago that love is a choice and not a feeling.  No matter how difficult, spoiled, or a jerk a person can be, this should not affect our love towards them.  Unfortunately, we are in a society that is ready to give up on people and relationships when things get tough.  Thankfully with our kids we are still more patient even though I think they will be next on the list.  I say this because it is not uncommon to hear people say how glad they will be when their kid turns 18 and moves out.  Sorry, but from where I come from, we live at home till we get married and sometimes while we are married.

Its common to hear about people falling out of love with their spouse, and I know where they are coming from, because every marriage and relationships have their moments and difficulties, but all it means is that we need to work on it.  Problems are to be solved and worked on.  Could you imagine giving up on your child because you had a problem potty training them?  Most of us wouldn't do that?  But a lot of us are ready to give up on our marriage or other meaningful relationships (like astranged parent, or sibling) when things get tough?

It is time that we stand up for love and not run away from difficulties.  It is time to stop giving up on those who we should love as a choice and not a feeling.  It is time to stop listening to what the world says about  "We don't have to take that or we can find someone better".  It is time for us to remind ourselves why we chose to love in the first place and not to focus on all the negatives.  One of my favorite speakers on marriage, Jimmy Evans, illustrates it, as the devil taking a picture of the worst moment in our marriage and then telling us that this is what it will be like the rest of our lives.

I like olympians, they train for years (long term investment) to make it to the olympics, and I haven't yet seen the first person in an olympic game give up after the first obstacle, but some of us are ready to give up after the first obstical.  Let's learn from the Bible:

• "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners" Romans 5:8.

• "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" Matthew 5:44

• "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

• "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:1-4

• "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" Ephesians 5:25

• Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Ephesians 4:6

If there is a loved one in your life that you may feel like you are falling out of love or can't wait for them to grow up so they can move out, take a moment and remember that love should be unconditional and it's a choice.  

• Choose to love your spouse again.

• Choose to love your children with patience and kindness.

• Choose to love that family member that hurt you. Ask God to help you with this, by remembering His love for you and asking Him to remind you of all the reasons why you chose to love this person in the first place.

• Write down all the reasons why you love this person (or why you chose to love them in the first place) and ask God to take all the negative feelings away from you. Sometimes the negativity gets in the way and both parties feed off each other.

• Break the cycle and love the unlovable (at least what it seems like at the moment).

• Find someone to cheer you on. Someone you can vent the frustration with, but someone that will encourage you in your relationship and to cheer for the both of you.

I pray that all of us will choose to never give up on love.  I do want to say that in some cases the most loving thing to do is to seek professional help and to even step out of the situation, but these are cases where there is emotional, physical and sexual abuse.