Love is a Choice
How can we love someone one moment and not the other? I have wondered that at least once in my life.
I can honestly say that I am totally in love with my husband, but I am not going to deny that there has been moments…..ok, maybe more than just moments, that I didn’t like him at all. I know I am not the only one that has felt this way before. You probably have too and that’s why you are reading this post. So before we go on to feel bad about it, let’s be truthful, there is nothing wrong with having those feelings. It is what we do with those feelings that can get us in trouble. Obviously, when you and I might have felt anything but love for our spouse, its because something went wrong. Either our spouse was not nice (misunderstanding, miscommunication) or we allowed ourselves to wonder.
Yes, as perfect as we thought our spouse would be, soon in marriage we realize that they are human after all, and that the honeymoon stage does come to an end at some point. They do forget to pick up after themselves, or nag, or have a way to just drive you nuts. Along with these, we find that they have character flaws that we never saw before and now we are in for a surprise. What do we do now?
Yes, there are times when the grass may seem greener on the other side. You know those moments, when we compare our situation or spouse to someone else. This can be way too common, when we have social media happy, perfect, couples, and ours don’t look like that. Or when an old friend finds you on Facebook and wants to rekindle a friendship (well…more like a romantic friendship).
I am not saying this is you or me, but I am saying that these are realities that can creep into marriages and destroy them. From personal experience and from counseling as a pastor, I know it happens. I have had to warned others, to be careful, especially with number two when people are vulnerable.
VULNERABLE
It is in times of vulnerability when it can be easy to compare our lives and believe the lies that the enemy (or temptation) tells us. All of a sudden we get fixed in the negativity and in what we may not have and forget to see the reality of what we do have.
So for me, in the moments of not liking my husband, I remind myself of:
Why I married him.
What makes him a good father.
The special memories we have built together.
Our children and why they need both of us.
He is not the enemy or the problem…..its something else.
That I am mad and I cannot allow myself to come to conclusions because I may feel hurt.
When I am mad, my IQ drops….Yes, look it up. Why do you think people say stupid things when they are mad!
I believe God brought us together.
Love is a choice.
LOVE IS A CHOICE
Yes, love is a choice! Love is not a feeling. I have the wonderful opportunity to love my husband even when I am upset. Could you imagine, if he stopped loving me when I made him mad! Everyday we get to choose to love our spouses and children. We get to think the best of them and why they deserve our unconditional love. Love is a choice because, I don’t have to compare my family to any other family on social media. Love is a choice, because when the temptation of an old friend or a new one, that wants to intrude in our lives with sweet words, we can say NO. Love is a choice because we can keep our hearts right by the things we choose to think about.
WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS OR SUPPORT GROUP
This may sound easy…but all of us know that at times it may be hard to do. It’s easier said than done. This is why it is important to surround ourselves with people that love their families and respect them. Friends that are for marriage, so that when you are feeling down, they can speak truth into your life and remind you of what you do have. Of course these friends or support group should encourage you to seek help when needed, or if its a toxic destructive situation to remove yourself from it for your safety, if necessary. However, in this post, my focus is on regular marital difficulties and attacks (or temptations) that all marriages go through. My focus its to reminds us that we can choose to love! By choosing love, you can help your spouse too! When we choose love, we do everything we can in order to have a happy marriage!
